Researched published this week suggests that the nation could be on the verge of a potentially catastrophic outbreak of Hypochondria. The disease, which can devastate lives as it floods through people's nervous system like a white elephant in a china-shop, has been described as having symptoms ranging from "a bit of a sort of a nebulous ache" to sudden unexplained death.
Dr Rowan Sapling, Chairman of the International Sapling Institute of Bad Things That Might Get You, says that it is a bad thing that might get you: "Hypochondria is a bad thing, and it could get you," he clarified, before going on to explain how suggestible people with Channel 5 were the most susceptible to catching Hypochondria. This means that as many as eighty-nine per-cent of the population could have caught Hypochondria by the end of the following year. As many as all of these cases could prove fatal, although it is just as possible that you could step in front of a bus, isn't it?
Dr Sapling is also the author of last year's report that suggested that by 2012 as many as seventy-two per-cent of the worlds population could employed as Elvis Presley impersonators. He is now working on a study that aims to discover whether they might prefer to be called Tribute Acts.
The last word goes to Dr Sapling:
"Hypochondria is a bad thing, and it could get you - watch out for the tell-tale signs of Hypochondria in your colleagues and friends, and if you spot them you should nail shut their doors and windows and paint a red cross on the door. Or just club them to death"
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