freedom costs money

The trouble with immitating Chandler is that he wrote so bloody well it's going to be a pretty hard thing to equal him. He knew his formula and practised it to a high degree of perfection - and it was practice that made him perfect: Little Fawn Lake (the lake the lady's in in The Lady In The Lake) appears in at least one other story of his, and the various hotels and diners that Marlowe frequents are all similar. It's only Chandler's virtuosity with the genre that stops his stories descending into tedious cliche.

So what am I trying to say? Well, your piece is good: I especially like the cocaine whirl of snow, but it needs a little clarification as regards what's going on in the first paragraph - I only knew it was a man being thrown out of a window because you told me. So, stylistically, it's fine, but I would warn against going down a road that's as well travelled as the private detective road. It only leads to Clichesville. Find your own road. Invent a new genre.

I know it's rather hypocritical of me to say that, but there you are: you did ask.

Hey there buddy, its John here, sorry I’m late, had a run in with a rather drunken Santa over the holidays. You thought Zaphod had psychological problems; Santa would make old Freud blush.
This guy sat on my head, Eddie the Grant, he seems to know what he’s talking about. I’ve never read Chandler, but I also understand you’re not talking about the slightly chubby guy from Friends either. Personally I loved what you wrote, the style, connotations behind the connotations and the way you’ve built up the classic, ‘everything’s dark, grey and negative,’ detective design we all know and some love.

“With a nicotine rush in my hand and the coffee machine on speed-dial…”

Wonderfully description, my favourite.
The Grant says you need to be careful to avoid the cliché of the genre, at least that’s what I think he is saying, he is rather cryptic don’t you think. Obviously a terribly intelligent chap. Mmm, isn’t that an interesting idea though, the more enigmatic and obscure one’s message is the more intellectual status is gained.
Ahem! Yes, well like I was saying, I think I agree with him. This writing style is brilliant there’s no doubt about that but it would seem, despite what ever individuality you infuse to this literature it has already, regrettably, been covered on the whole.
So my humble suggestion would be to take a leaf out of that aggressively talented chap we both know and Love, Mr Adams, and add a little, supernatural factor to the plot but keep the your writing style. Where as Adam’s, in his Dirk Gently series holds all the same humour that we’ve seen before in his writing style, he employs it with a supernatural detective format. You my lad could do the same, only employing your style with an imaginative supernatural plot. Ergo, avoiding the cliché.
Well, that’s one idea, only you know what will become of this fiction.
All the best, and I’ll see you soon.

John Smith ( yes, I know… terribly Cruel Parents!)