Good Question.
and Question 2 "WHO CARES?"
It was the Leeds Wireless festival at the weekend, and for the most part Leeds seems to have acquired the better line up, but due to some stupid decisions by the organisers this potentially fantastic day was blighted, and FCM left early.
Wireless, or, as they would have me call it, the 02 (can’t do the text but I mean the phone people) festival. First of all buses to the site, the picturesque if a little up-itself Harewood House, were free, well organised and well organised. Ever since having attended the Leeds Festival at Temple Newsom I have found the stately home a very pleasant backdrop to a festival, something to look at should you, perchance get bored by the headline act, but more of that later.
I’m tempted to say security was lax, but then we’re used to such OTT security at these events that just showing your ticket to someone to be let in seems weird, makes us nervous. So we sauntered in, a very friendly atmosphere, but suspiciously populated by people in The Who t-shirts, this perhaps should have been a warning.
But we mooched on, I looked up at the slightly cheesy American country rock band that were playing, Unimpressive. I decided to wander off and explore until the Eels came on. So we mooched of in the direction of the second stage. We passed a large blue thing that looked like as sex toy and the O2 lounge, where you could only go if you had an o2 phone. I did, but our friends didn’t so, arse to it we decided. It was basically just a picket fence with people stood inside it much like cattle, slightly confused and bizarrely serene, with little or no comprehension of why they were there.
The guy playing the second stage was much like a one man R.E.M but poorly mixed, so I was easily distracted when a robot drove past, it got off its little trailer and started to dance, and yes it did the robot. It then started to talk to its little alien friends before being driven away.
We then wondered back to the main stage and made the discovery that the American folk rock band were the Eels. Apparently on low-Fi underwhelming mode, Eels played just a few recognisable songs, I didn’t recognise them and was disappointed when I realised who it was. So, we waited about and I went and found some bear while the Zutons got ready to play. While getting to the front of the crown I noticed all the people who had been there since it started still had all their deck chairs and picnic rugs out. So I tip-toed out carefully not damaging their cool boxes or standing in the sandwiches.
It took me a good half of the Zutons set to return the front of the crown, which lacked the normal dynamic of a festival crown because there was still lots of Who fans sitting in deck oblivious top their being completely and utterly in the way, but I reached my friends, after being F’ed and blinded at as I very slowly got to the front.
Zutons though were impressive, jazzy tight, and compulsive in their sounds, I had expected to be disappointed, I wasn’t, and the sax player is fit as…. Oh yeah baby…
Ah-hem
By now I was quite pissed off. I’m a very considerate festival goer, none of this pushing and barging for me, and usual the crown at the front moves in such a way that you can get where you want to be by moving with the crown, then standing still and letting them move back around you, just like the sea.
However all these fucking retards in the deck chairs seem to have mistaken my Sea-waves-movement analogy for them actually being at the sea side. All were sat there on the blanket being outraged that I might want to see the Flaming Lips. Well they were fools. As the Lips began to set up, (they do their own sound check) more and more people moved to the front, the Lips are world renowned for putting on one hell opf a show, and it pays to be near the front.
Some people stuck it out in their chairs, they couldn’t possibly see a thing, although one old, and very determined couple did have a pair of binoculars. They became more and more cross that people were crowding to the front. It must be said they were about 12 metres from the front of the main stage, and this was of course a FESTIVAL STAGE…
The interesting thing being that the Lips start their set with frontman Wayne getting into a large “space bubble” and rolling around the crowd for a few minutes. After this I lost sight of the old couple in the deckchairs, because immediately afterwards the Lips kicked in with “Race for the prize” and the entire front thousand people bounced in blissful union.
And so the gig continued, but somewhere at the back of our minds dark thoughts were festering, the knowledge, that for some STUPID reason, the Super Furry Animals would be starting anytime now, yes, for some reason both bands were playing AT THE SAME TIME. These are two groups which any sensible person would have put on sequentially. They share a fan base and often come on to each others tunes, so what the fuck?
Some of FCM left then, but myself and the Mond were captivated by the loveliness of the Flaming Lips, and stayed till the last song, eventually sneaking out while they finished with the beautiful “Do You Realize?”. Picking our way once again through picnic tables and inflatable chairs, (I had only just managed not to hurt myself moshing amongst all this crap). At one point I passed another guy singing along and we hugged in mutual understanding of our love for the Lips, I explained my reason for leaving, he nodded in approval before sending me on my way.)
Finally out of the crowd we pegged it over to SFA, just in time for “TheMan Don’t Give A Fuck.”.
Then came supreme irritation came, SFA ended, before 9PM!!! We wondered reluctantly out of the tent, All the other bits were closing down too. You had no choice, you had to watch the Who…
Thing is I couldn’t give two flying gymnastic Sado-masocistic Fucks about the Who, and when they did come on all they did prove me right in this attitude, dull, desperate, self-inflated pompous OAP rocker has-been worthless and FUCKING CRAP.
But why did the whole festival shut down… was it the organisers?
Was it the conditions of having the Who play?
Were they threatened by the idea of having to rival SFA?
Well fuck that, they could just easily painted the main stage and we could have all have watched it dry and had more fun.
I’m-not-a-pedo-I’m-writing-a-book Townsend looked like a plonker in his bandana and 60s sunglasses was so lacking in charisma if I’d seen him in the street I’d have tried to buy a Big Issue off him, and Doultry was little batter, they made dish-water look edgy and exciting, unpredictable and crazy.
We left, such a pity to ruin a potentially great day like that.
Still, Flaming Lips RULE, SFA too, fuck the Who, like a pedo violating a minor, yes just like that, has been rockers should shut up- Fuck off- and stay there, once you don’t release an album for 7 yrs you are BANNED FROM PERFORMING LIVE COS IT IS JUST EMBARRASING.
“Realise, that time goes fast, it’s hard to make the good times last, realise the sun don’t go down, it’s just an illusion caused by the world spinning round…”
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