The most tyrannical isolated communist has tested a nuclear weapon causing an earth tremor of 3.5 on the rhictor scale; please try your best not to notice.
This may be difficult so here are some tips on how not to notice that Kim Jong Il now has The Bomb.
-Read a good book.
-Worry about global warming, this might sound like something you should panic about, but fortunately Al Gore has compressed the whole issue into a very dull 90-minute lecture, on film, yes, I said a lecture, on film. Not a film. NO a film could have explosions, plot, drama, no, this pressing critical issue which dictates whether man can possibly survive on this planet (assuming KJI doesn’t nuke us – oh damn!) is apparently conveyed by a dull man who’s most famous achievement is to loose an election despite winning the election, in a cardigan, with a selection of slides.
-Worry about that global economy and the fact that one third of all of Western Europe’s debt is owed by us, tiny little British Isles. It seems our new empire is the one of wanting things we don’t need, can’t afford but HAVE TO HAVE – the advert said I would get sex which is all I can think about because it is all I ever see when I turn the TV on, every else is doing it all time, so there must be something with me because I’m not getting any, the only apparent difference between the people I see who are is that they have lots of stuff and I don’t so I must get more stuff so I can fornicate so I can be more like everyone else because then I’ll be normal and healthy.
-Worry about Worry, we in Britain are at are most mentally unwell, and despite other illnesses actually being fatal, the capitalist market means that pharmaceutical companies are spending more money on anti depressants than any other form of medicine, that more than anti cancer drugs, more than anti-retrovirals…
-You could watch reality TV and worry about the fact that your life is obviously imaginary since it in no way reflects what you are seeing.
-You go outside, and enjoy the day, always remembering that when you see the flash, do the smart thing, Duck, and Cover.
-You could physically bury your head- in sand.
-You could put a paper bag on your head and lie in traffic.
-You could negotiate the slip road onto a major motorway- in a shopping trolley using and vileda super-mop for steering…
-You could take up weasel wrestling…
There are plenty of things you can do to avoid noticing that we are hurtling terrifyingly towards a new cold war…
And even if you do notice, don’t worry, because no doubt the UN, right now, are writing a very stern letter to Iran, telling them they must stop making nuclear weapons, and since Iran is a sandy environment, we already have the uniforms and tanks are all the right colour, should we have to stop the democratically elected Government of Iran, we probably can.
So don’t worry the North Korea situation is under control, relax, sleep easy, and stock up on canned foods, enlarge your basements (for the train set of course) don’t let your children out of your sight.
We can stop Iran so don’t need to worry about N. Korea
Here endenth the lesson.
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