freedom costs money

Complaints about racist behaviour broke all previous records over the Big brother program… People have called for Big Brother to be off the air, and channel 4 heads to role… And I too, it is worth adding, am furious… Not because of the racist behaviour, not because of Jade Goody (directly anyway) and not because my poor little mind can’t cope with what is happening… Because I’m now forced to come to the defence of BB, its existence and the things that were said on it… Not because I agree with there sentiment, but because it seems the whole country has utterly missed the point.

Today i broke the common myth that no thing can be folded in half more than seven times. I folded soemthing eight times! I am a folding champion.

If you ask me i will do it again, i did not cheat of bend the rules in any way. We have been lied to!

So we will be keeping our nuclear deterrent, its confirmed, by Blair, the Man, Mr Nuke… oh god what’s the point…

Blair’s rational for having a nuclear deterrent was fundamentally flawed on so many levels, he openly admitted that ours was the smallest of all “recognised” nuclear nations, of which Israel is still not one, and also that we only need three submarines, and one would always be on patrol. One sub, now I don’t want to base my logic on bond films or such but, how reliable is one submarine? How hard to find? We have all the risk and attention of a nuclear state but virtually none of the protection… we just have to hope that if someone decides at some point to twat us, they accept that our solitary submarine on patrol might get them if it knows where it came from etc… I know there are protocols etc but, really how is it an actual deterrent? Cameron liked the term minimum deterrent. But how much of a deterrent is that? Both parties argued that it was important for us to be strong and independent, but also that if we were to unilaterally disarm, it would mean nothing and no one would notice, or care

You can’t really from the point of view of being one of the original Big Five nuclear powers, which, coincidentally make up the permanent members of the security council of the UN, and tell the rest of the world what to do. But this is of course coincidental and anyone who thinks that nuclear weapons bring with them any increase of global stature is misreading this coincidence with possible dangerous repercussions…

Following the now almost certain Nuclear Test the U.N. are shedding their usual indecisive persona to seriously consider the possibility of maybe taking some kind of forthright action once all the opinions are on and we’re sure of what happened and everyone’s had a cup of tea and the Belgian delegation have had their consignment of chocolates returned to them, but by then its lunch time so, 1 hour recess, and an extra 20minutes prayer time for all those of a religious persuasion so that gets us on to about two o’clock, only its not, in London the stock markets are open so the British delegation, part of the security council, but only because it developed the nuclear bomb, one of the original five, has to take a break while they check on the strength of the pound and the waits to see if the Bank of England has raised interest rates. So somewhere in the region of 5pm someone quickly knocks up the following so as to look like all the money given to the U.N. is worth it.

The most tyrannical isolated communist has tested a nuclear weapon causing an earth tremor of 3.5 on the rhictor scale; please try your best not to notice.

This may be difficult so here are some tips on how not to notice that Kim Jong Il now has The Bomb.

It’s an odd feeling and I’m not quite sure how I should react to it, but I agree with Jack Straw.

My name is John and I agree with Jack Straw.

“Hello John”

I’ve had the feeling for a while and wondered if I was prejudiced, I though there was something wrong with me, a basic and human distrust…

Seeya Tone, it was… errr, frustrating, disappointing, embarrassing, terrorising, cringe worthy, irritating, wasteful… yes wasteful… you had a mandate to change the country and you did fuck all with it, Brown got some good ones in but all you’ve done is sell off our infrastructure bit by bit… Now FUCK OFF!

For too long have we atheists been made to suffer for our beliefs… we are forced to pander to people who don’t want us to shop or cook on Sunday’s, people who attack our theatres and our playwrites, try to influence our television programming, control our media and put religious programming on always when I’m about to wake up.

This year, while climbing a coconut nut tree age old rocker, Keith Richards, failing to cling on with as much vigour as he does to his musical career, and banged his coconut hard, resulting in brain surgery…